The irony of life…

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He stops, amid the last chew of his most delicious spaghetti dinner, realizing…he has suddenly, finally, figured it all out, his meaning to life, his purpose for living!!! He takes a huge gasp of inspiration, chokes on the noodles…and dies.

 

 

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Memories…vestiges of time.

We cling to memories as if they define us…but they really don’t….what we do is what defines us….memories are ghost images of what’s scarcely behind us in time, according to the clock. What we do in the present is the only true indicator of the person, of who we are, because it is us here right now.

What if…

What if there just absolutely isn’t any definitive answer to our angst-ridden, age-old, search for Truth!? What if we just were not meant to know, or that there simply just isn’t any answer to that immortal question? THAT, I think is the closest we will ever get to an answer, IMHO (in my humble opinion). An answer to the true meaning of life, I mean, of course. Knowing the uncertainty of it sort of makes it certain, doesn’t it?

What is…

I think that we all share a reticence, a fundamental dislike towards “what is”, that which is, the very facts of our existence. I think many spend their entire lives in rebellion to this, what I see as, a basic truth, a basic fact–in fact THE basic fact of life.

“What is”, as I see it, is life as, or as we choose not, to see it. It is what is regardless of our upbringing or education or opinion. It simply is that which is–apart from what we think it might, could, or should be. When we rebel against this, or choose to simply ignore it, we end up miserable and unhappy. Could–dare it be–that most or perhaps all of our unhappiness in life stems from our refusal to SEE, to accept life just as it is?

 

God…etc.

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Some people have difficulty conceiving of God, of believing in God. I know. Here is my conception of God, borrowed from Jung. He said, “God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my willful path violently and recklessly, all things which upset my subjective views, plans, and intentions and change the course of my life for better or worse”.

To which I will add, God is the magic in the moment, the spirit in the spritzer. Goosebumps when we know something extraordinarily unusual and unique is happening. The inner knowing in a situation that would otherwise behoove us. The bird that lands close to us during our most desperate moments. A sudden coincidence that we cannot explain. The colour of the blossoms that catch our eye, the scent of the flowers that suddenly overpower us. The fresh breath of a child as they grasp and hold us without expecting. The pictures just sent from my daughter of her son playing languidly in the beach sand. The lingering moment between sunset and darkness that stirs something within our souls. That is God, and then some. Perhaps those reading could add to this in the comments? That would be nice, and another gift from God.

Is that sort of God difficult to believe in? I don’t think so. To me, that’s just the type of God I need! The one I have been longing for.

And in the end, if you still have difficulty believing, ask God — as a pure act of faith, which just means having great hope really — to reveal himself/herself/itself to you in some special way… he will, if you are open to it and looking for it. The little bird in my description above was just one of many ways he did for me. I feed the birds from my patio. Each spring the Junco’s leave for cooler weather in the deep forests. Each fall they return. One morning, in particular desperation I asked God for a sign, anything, to know that he cared, that he was there. I walked into my living room and there flew down onto my patio the first Junco, returning from the summer. I gasped with unbelief, but soon grasped the belief, the sign. That is beyond coincidence. That’s GOD. If he did it for me, many times, he will for you. Just ask! What have you got to lose? Nothing. So give it a shot…and let us know what happens!

P.S. When Jung was asked one day if he “believes” in God, he answered, “I don’t ‘believe’, I KNOW! (that God exists), because of his life-long experiences. At this stage of my life, I can say the same.

What is the answer?

Vainglory hope is the answer. How many people have been puzzled by life, hoping desperately to find an answer to the meaning of it all, but die before they find it? I think most, like 99.9 percent.

“Oh, Tim’s full of doom and gloom tonight!”. I may be. But you know, I’m 57 now (2016). 7 years ago, were it not for modern medicine, I’d be 7 years dead. What’s that all mean? That “God” has some plan for me, which is why I’m still alive today? I doubt it. If he has, I haven’t figured it out yet, 7 years later. I’d like to hope that God had some sort of special plan for me, but you know, at this stage of life and living, I’ve learned a lot, and am ok being a bit skeptical now.

The fact is, as I said above, most people die before they figure life out, before they have their epiphany, before they have the “Damascas Road” experience. That’s just the way it is. Why? I dunno.

What can we make of these dismal statistics? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t think we were created for “something special”, folks. Yes, we are each unique and wonderful human beings, but that’s as far as it goes, I think. Whatever we can give or do through to the end of today is itself a huge blessing. I know.

As the bible says, “For today we live and tomorrow we die”. Maybe that’s really it! If we can keep that in mind each day that we awaken, then we might make a difference in the lives of the people around us for that next day’s grace. If we don’t, well…no one will really notice. Oh well.

Today is all we have, folks. Tomorrow is a crap-shoot, a blessing if given…another day to make another day count for those around us. Let’s do at least that.

Profoudly lonely…

If someone were to ask me how I am feeling today, that is how I would answer…I’m feeling profoundly lonely.

Sadly, we live in a culture that on the one hand enables some, like battered wives, to be free, but on the other hand causes many others to end up living estranged from those they love. As for me, I am where I am simply and only because of Economics. I live in Vancouver, which is a lovely city, but I’m here only because this is where I had to go some years ago after my divorce, to find work. I have a great job, I love it and am very grateful for it, but there is this.

I’m especially lonely because for too many years I have lived too far apart from my children and grandchildren. My eldest granddaughter is now 12 (as of this writing). Her sister 6. My youngest grandson is 14 months old. I’ve missed out on seeing any of them grow up, let alone see my kid’s become full adults. My son was 11 and my daughter was 4 when their Mother and I split up. Since then, I have seen them all way too little. Well for the first 9 years I saw them quite often. But when their mom moved them over to Vancouver Island, not so much. I’m a distant father/grandfather who shouldn’t be this distance away, but that’s just the way things have worked out.